The past 2 weeks had been the most difficult time of both mama and papa's lives. On the 2nd Feb, mama was admitted to KKH after bleeding clots again. This is the 3rd or 4th time that it happened throughout the pregnancy. At the hospital, doctor diagnosed that the cervix was dilated to abt 4cm, and the waterbag is buldging out. This is very scary as mama is only 19 weeks pregnant and cervix is not supposed to open up at this stage.

Mama was hospitalised immediately and put under observation. On following Mon, dr jeannette and professor tan suggested that mama goes for a cerclage. this is a surgery that can help to stitch the cervis back so that the pregnancy can prolong to full term.

HOwever, there are some risks involved in the surgery. There might be infection and the waterbag might break. But mama still wants to go for the surgery as she and papa cannot give up on the baby. If the surgery was not done, baby may come out anytime. This is her only hope.

Luckily, the surgery was successful and the cervix was closed.

Mama has to spend the CNY in the hospital for a week as she has to be completely resting in bed. Not even to go toilet for any business. She practically eat, sleep and s*** in bed.

On the 11th Feb, Mon, mama was supposed to be discharged after a scan. However, the scan showed that the cervix was opened up again, to abt 1cm. This was not supposed to happen!

At that point, the baby was only reaching 20 weeks. The docs say that if baby is borned between 20-24 weeks, it is not possible for the baby to survive. But if the baby is between 24-28 weeks, there is a high chance that the baby will have either physical or mental problems. Prof suggested that we shd let the baby go, but daddy and mummy is determined to let the baby carry on and be prepared for the worst. Let baby decide. Mama and papa will never give up on their own baby.

The situation changed. On Tue, mama had a fever of 38 deg. Doc suspects that it is infection. If it is really infection, mama cannot keep the baby anymore as it will harm the baby and will be borned prematurely. They monitored the fever closely and also took a blood test.

At ard 7pm that night, the doc came to inform that it is a very high chance that it is infection. They feel that mama shd cut away the stitch and let the baby go...This is a very very painful decision. If the stitch is not cut, the baby might force through the cervix and both lives will be in danger. There was no choice and the doc cut the stitch. The waterbag broke. Mama was very traumatic. This also means that the baby will come out anytime. As the baby is still very small, there is no epidural and mama will have to deliver naturally. This is a very harsh reality.

At ard 1130pm, mama was given a pill to speed up the contractions and dilation. When the pill was inserted, the contractions were so strong and painful. At 0005h, 13th Feb, mama could feel the baby coming through and she delivered. But she cannot bring the baby home. The baby has gone to a faraway place to seek peace and happiness.

Why does this has to happen? Mama feel very sorry to daddy that she cannot protect the baby.

Mama and papa decided not to have a last look at the baby as it is just too painful. But the nurses help to took a photograph of the baby for them to bring home. On the night of discharge, mama and papa decided that they shd look at the photo. It is afterall their precious baby, and there is nothing to be scared off. They opened the envelope and saw how beautiful their baby is. Strong arms and legs. Baby was already well-formed. They cried very very hard that night. Although daddy is always consoling mama, but she knew how painful and sad daddy feels too.

Daddy finally spoke abt how sad he was. He said that he was waiting for mama in the car that night for her to deliver. When he received the text that she delivered, he took the lift to go up the ward. A couple was abt to deliver, came into the lift. Papa held the lift for them. The couple asked, "Are you here to deliver as well?" And daddy said, "No, I just lost my child". When mama heard this, she felt so painful and terrible for papa that he has to go through this.

It is heaven's will and fate that mama and papa cannot have the blessing to have this baby. They are not lucky enough. But mama and papa will always have 2 children, Ai Xuan and Yu Xuan. May all the GODs bless Yu Xuan with a good life and happiness.