2008 to 2009

i have been procrastinating to write this as i am scared that i will cry...
this is the first time, that i dun want to part the year i am in...2008. i have this feeling that going to 2009 is making me going further away from yu xuan...it is going to be cny, almost the anniversary of yu xuan's departure.
it definitely still hurt a lot.. and as expected, while i am writing this, i am tearing again...
2008 has been bad, i would say. and of course, i am wishing 2009 to be better..
but as much as i hope to have a good star, i am also not willing to move into 2009 because i want to stay within the same year with yu xuan...that's what i feel.
i cant let go still...still trying to come to terms. it is not easy and will never be easy.
i just hope yu xuan is well taken care off....and that i am really sorry for not being there...